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February 6, 2009

I have all of these images in my head of what I want to be like.  What I want to do.  But when I have to opportinunity to do these things, or at least take steps towards them I don’t.  I am not really sure why that is.  I think that part of the reason is that I usually about drop dead tired when I get home from work, I don’t have a lot of time to do anything other then the absolute necessary.  Another part of the problem, I think, is that there are so many things that I want to do.  I want to do better photography, write more, write more interesting things, plant a vegetable garden, see friends, walk my dog, go through my entire house, be a better and more emotionally stable wife, do some work on the house, maybe actually see my house for longer then 5 minutes in the daylight…  You get the picture.  The list is long.  If I sat here long enough I am sure that there would be more things to add to it.

For my daily planner this year I wanted a moleskine with one page for each day.  I don’t really know why I wanted that bad enough to have it sent over from Amazon UK, (I mean come on, most days I get up at the last possible minute, run to work, stay there all day and get home around 8pm…  not a lot of free time for anything else)* but I now see a purpose to the whole thing.  I am going to try every day to do one little thing to move towards the person I want to be, and I am going to write it down in my agenda.  Even if it is something small and rather insignificant.  I think that this way I can feel like I am making some progess even if it is minimal.  Maybe this way I can start to see slow changes, patterns evolving, and I can better concentrate on what I like to do, and what I want to do, rather then the things that I am currently doing that do not correspond me at all.

I have high hopes for my small, black moleskine.  I’ll keep you updated.

*I love, love, love notebooks and pens and pencils.  I have tons and tons of them.  Part of me thinks this is the reason that I loved the going back to school period of the year.  I love getting classes and notes organised and love buying school supplies…  (Maybe I am meant to be a teacher after all…  I could get that back to school high once a year…)  Moleskine is by far though my favorite.  I love the silky, smooth, pages and sometimes I keep them for a long time before I actually write in them.  I save them until I have something “good” enough to put down on those pages.

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