I feel kind of bad saying this… I know that I am lucky to have a job in France and to be able to work. But I wish I were a stay at home Mom. I wish I could stay at home and take care of my family full time.
There are tons of people out there in France (expats) would love to have a regular, steady, job. I really disliked my job. Even the thought of having to go back makes me cry. The thought of leaving my baby as well. I know people do it everyday. Tons of people all over the world leave their babies with a sitter and head out to work a job they don’t particularly care for to feed and provide for their families. MrB keeps on reminding me of that. Everyone else does it. I am not different then everyone else.
I keep on number crunching trying to figure out how to make this work. And I am at a loss. It is a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. Basically I can’t afford not to work, just like in a way I can’t afford to work! I seriously don’t know what to do. I think that I am going to try to work from home, give English lessons and whatever comes my way. Maybe I can get a few hours here and there at a school or something. I don’t know. All I do know is I don’t want to leave my baby at the Nounou’s for 12 or 13 hours a day. If we both work the way we did before that is what we would be looking at. I mean at that rate it would be the Nounou giving her a bath before we pick her up in the evening. MrB’a job is never the same. I mean, I couldn’t really count on him for a fixed schedule. Some days he could do mornings, some days evenings, some days neither and some days he could do both. But unless my job is equally flexible (which it isn’t) I can’t count on him. Which means I need to do both mornings and evenings. So I would have to go back part time to avoid the 12 or 13 hours days at the Nounou’s for the baby (and us, if she is there 12 hours a day I think it would be so expensive I might as well not work…)
Sigh.
I just want to stay at home with my girl, work in my yard, go to the farmers market… How old fashioned!
I never did get around to turning over my veggie patch this fall. According to all of my ’sources’ you are supposed to do this in fall, to prepare the ground for spring planting. Being hugely pregnant this fall, and the birth having a young one to care for I just never got around to it. I couldn’t get MrB to do it, as we were also in the upheaval of the bathroom remodel, and with that and working, he had his hands full. My on again, off again gardener didn’t show any real interest in taking on the job either.
Which leaves me. As I am the only one really excited about planting my veggies and living somewhat off of my own earth, I think that I am the only person around these parts up to the job.
Up until this week I was thinking that I may just have the time to do the job before Christmas. If I could bundle up MissL in her stroller and work on it an hour or two at a time. Slowly buy surely working my way through the plot.
And then it snowed. And outside my yard currently looks like this:
I guess I am going to have to wait to turn the earth over just before I plant this year…
Today is a beautiful, sunny, snowy, day. No more snow is falling for the moment and I don’t think any is expected until tomorrow. It doesn’t look like we are going to be having a white Christmas after all, as it is supposed to rain later on this week.
The snow has caused havoc in France. I especially like when on the news they were talking about the effects of the snow on public transportation ect, and they showed two women in an argument as they got in a wreck because of the slippery roads! All of the car accidents that I have seen if France were shocking to me because instead of getting out of the car and asking, “Hey, are you all right?”, like I think would be the as in the US, every one I have seen in France has been more of a verbal insult slaughter… It is funny to see though.
We are thinking of selling my car and getting me something a little bigger and more of a family car. I currently drive a Swift, and we are thinking of switching me over to a Citroen C4 Picasso. It is a total Mom-Mobile, but that is what I am now… My car is a little small, even just for me and MissL. In this extreme weather I am a little hesitant to take it out. But we can’t make our decision based on that, it only snows maybe a few days a year out here. A new, larger car we could keep for Baby #2 though… It is a tricky question. My car runs fine and there is nothing wrong with it. But, if I sell it now I can get a good price for it still (it doesn’t have too many miles on it and is just over 2 years old). MrB is of the opinion that if I keep it too much longer the sale price will go down and then we will have to add too much to buy me something bigger. Since Baby#2 is probably not too far off in the future we are thinking we could upgrade now and have that done with. Who knows… But we do have to decide fast.
Anyways with the rest of our snowy day we are going to eat some homemade cinnamon rolls, and love on our baby girl. (She is getting big sooo fast! I can’t believe it!)
Yesterdays snow stuck to the ground out here is the Very Far Eastern Suburbs of Paris. We had probably about 3 centimeters last night when we went to bed, and even more this morning. MrB didn’t go to work we have that much snow, and is working from home. I am watching the River Cottage Series on DVD. I really like the show. I would love to do something like that… Have a small scale farm where I could spend my days gardening, taking care of the kid(s), watching over animals. I don’t know if I could raise animals for meat, but chickens for eggs, maybe a cow for milk and cheese would be nice. A few dogs to keep me and the Bandito company. MrB would keep his day job most likely, I could do the rest.
We obviously cannot just leave and start that all of a sudden. I am concentrating on consuming less, making more of what we have and trying to find a way to not have to go back to the bank. We may not be rich money wise but we can live a real nice calm lifestyle where at least one of us can spend their time raising our daughter.
It is doable.
I believe that it is.
Somehow it will work.
Now to plan out my veggie plot for next year, which is actually pretty big (probably around 80 squared meters) and we can plan stuff all over the rest of the yard, which is huge (2600 square meters).
Oh and I got a first set of cloth diapers (BumGenius), and a good friend of mine got us a set for Lily’s birth that should be coming soon. It is a different brand, I am not sure what kind they are, but I am excited to try out a different brand as well.
MrB thinks that I am crazy doing all of this. I think that he wants me to be able to be home more with our girl but doesn’t think that growing a lot of our own food ect will really make that big of a difference in a budget. I guess I will just have to consider it my job to prove him otherwise! Too bad now that I am really motivated there is 5 or 6 centimeters of snow on the ground, there is not a lot I can do, besides number crunching, lesson planning, veggie garden planning, and dreaming.
Looks like these snow days are going to be a little packed after all…
This is slightly flawed right off the bat. At some point we will need a bigger house, and if my plans hash out, more land. I don’t really know how that could be possible in France without the famous CDI. But I am choosing not to really worry about that and believe that somehow the world will provide. That something will work out. And if not, well, I will cross that bridge when we get to it.
I love when seasons change. I think that I embrace every season, at least at the beginning. It now feels definitely like Winter now that the temperatures have dropped and we have a nice thick blanket of snow on the ground.
The only problem is I need kindling to start my fire, and I don’t want to run out and try to find some in the wood pile! I think we will just go sans feu for now. Maybe in a few hours I will work up the courage to go out and get some…
I have been thinking about doing a Project 365 (taking a photo every day of 2010). Since Miss L’s birth that is basically what I have been doing. I think I maybe have missed 5 or 6 days since she was born…
What I am thinking about doing is cross posting here what I put up on Flickr. I think it is a neat idea, and where I don’t always have something to say, I do usually have a picture or two to put up from the day. I guess kind of like visual blogging… And I think it will help me find something to say! I am trying to work on my writing, but feel like I censor myself here!
In other news, the weather!! Really cold. My lips are so chapped! But I hate taking my girl out too long in this cold to get some chapstick… I know I have some, the question is, where?
I hate Paris. No, I shouldn’t say that. I don’t hate it. I just seriously dislike having to go there on a daily basis. I know that there are really cool areas to visit and nice things to see. But when you are not a Parisien, or a tourist, just another person dragging their poor body into to the city for work everyday, you’d rather just avoid the whole thing.
What is their to gain in that daily struggle into and out of the city of lights?
Germs?
Zero personal space?
Long lines? Train strikes? Nasty smells? All of that to go and sit in an office all day, that could be anywhere really.
Now that I haven’t been going into to Paris since the end of August, I realise I really could pass on the whole thing. Going to Paris everyday has no appeal to me. I like to go and see the museums, visit as a toursit of sorts, have a good day out and about. But dragging myself into the city to sit in an office, and do a job that dosen’t really appeal to me either and then the whole commute in reverse, I have no desire to continue. I don’t even know how I could. MrB dosen’t get home until 8 or 9pm usually. With the job that I was at there is no way I could be home before 7 or 7:30pm, and I am starting to panic a little at the idea of going back. Spending 12+ hours at a nounou’s isn’t really fair to her. And it would cost me an arm and a leg to pay the nounou (if I can even find one that will do those hours everyday)… I do need to have some sort of income though. If my calculations are correct if I were to go back to work full time, and I deduct the nounou, Carte Orange and gas, I would be going to work for 100-150 Euros a week. So the question is, Is it worth it? Should I start to look for a different job with better hours? Should I try to work from home?
Without answering any of these questions, I can’t really look for a nounou… I need to know what kind of hours I need from her, where she needs to be located (as close as possible to my place or is 10 minutes away ok?). It is a vicious cycle. All of this is not to mention the fact that I don’t want MissL to spend 12 hours a day at the nounou. I don’t really think that I should have had her if it is to never see her! (Ok that sounds dramatic, but on average before I was leaving the house at 7:50am and getting home around 7:30pm, when everything was going normally, and it seems like a long day for such a little one to me…)
I still have time to figure it out, but I have a feeling June is going to roll around quicker then I think, and I have let my work know what I am doing 2 months before I am supposed to go back… So I really only have until April. Yikes!
…a rocking chair! MrB is going to kill me. (I already bought a new lens for my camera this month and got sucked into buying some pictures that were taken at the maternity of Miss L… but I have kicked my book habit, promise!)… It was more expensive than what I was originally looking at, (Ikea), but it so much nicer looking. It looks almost Art Deco. And I plan on spending hours in the chair rocking my baby, knitting, rocking my baby some more, and tending to my fire. We were planning on replacing on living room couch and furniture anyways, so I figured why not! Now I just have to wait for it to be delivered, which won’t be until January apparently… Snif. Hopefully I won’t suffer from buyers remorse before then!
I guess I am going to have to wait awhile on that sewing machine and KitchenAid… Either that or find a way to cut back on our food bill, which is probably too expensive for two people anyways. If the end of month result is the same, MrB can’t really say anything to me, right?? I was having a hard time breaking out of our ‘quick and dirty’ dinner habits from when the both of us were getting home at 8pm. Now that I am home all of the time I need to start cooking from scratch more (and a KitchenAid would help with that!). Winter is the season of soups and crock pot meals, so I just need to find some new recipes and get cooking.
This morning I was sick as a dog. (I love that expression. Why…? I have no idea although it makes me think of my parents, my Dad is particular).
I am finally felling better this afternoon, although I am HUNGRY after all of that, well, reguritating. Too bad my house is bare, because today I was supposed to go to the grocery store! Oh and can I say that caring for a baby is not all that fun while sick…
So far it dosen’t look like Miss L caught whatever I had, although I was over it so quick I think that it must have been something that I ate… Makes me think, I am for sure throwing out the OJ… Shudder.
I am trying to use this time away from work to do some crafty things that I really like to do but didn’t have the time to while I was working. I am knitting, taking pictures and I really want to get a sewing machine (and a KitchenAid, but hey a girl has to draw the line somewhere!). It really feels nice expressing myself, and seeing progress on these things. I am excited to make things for my baby, and document her life so far. I have almost 1,000 pictures since her birth. Some aren’t that great, others are instant favorites. Trying to document the changes is hard as it is only looking back on all my pictures that I see just how much she has changed!
All of these things make me feel like I have more purpose, like they are serving a purpose. I feel like I am making our family life more cozy and enjoyable. Who dosen’t like nice food made from scratch, handmade clothes and knit things for winter… Things are far from perfect, I am having a hard time catching up with the laundry and there are still parts of the house that I need to clean (my desk for one, surfing the internet from bed is nice, but it makes my back hurt after a while!). Miss L has taken to sleeping on my chest, which makes it hard to do things other than, well, knitting for one. As much as I would like to put her down and let her sleep on her own, I keep on telling myself she will only be this small for a short time, and I am enjoying every minute.
The dust bunnies can wait.
